We had the longest weekend and we were kind of upset with each other over some stuff. She was settling some personal issues and I was waiting for answers. For me, it's almost like waiting for exam results, not knowing what will happen next. And for her, I guess it's taking the exam itself. The d date was set about a month ago. A week or two ago, she was telling me that she would only go through half the materials and I was telling her that going through half the materials would have a high possibility of failing. However, when she updated me yesterday, I found out that she actually went through all the materials and I really want to applaud her for that because it is not easy doing that because I went through the same experience myself. She tried her best and was tired because the paper turned out to be more difficult than she had expected. I sneaked out of office and bought her happy food to spur her on.
For me, I had mixed feelings when I found out answers. My emotions left half hanging from Thursday and I kept myself occupied by watching TV series, taking walks, working out and hanging out with friends in hope that time would pass quickly but somehow the clock seem to tick longer than usual. I tried my very best to keep my emotions in check while waiting. On one hand, I'm happy that some events have taken place which what I was patiently waiting for the past month or so but on the other hand I'm unhappy with the post events taking place.
I'm always trying to keep my cool so that I can judge and manage things in the best of my ability. However, for some reasons, I semi lost it on Sunday night. I did something which I told myself never to do, to corner Scruffy. Scruffy has become my best friend. We shared lots of happy times the past few months, actually maybe years and the best thing is I could confide in her about anything. At the back of my mind, I know how Scruffy operates; Corner Scruffy and bear the consequences of being biten. Eventhough I had the facts at the back of my hand, I learnt my lesson the hard way and the bite was painful. Angry as I was, I forced myself to take a step back and tried to see things from Scruffy's point of view.
I'm the kind of person whom cannot sit and wait for things to happen. That is why during interviews when I'm always ask whether I'm an independent worker or a team player. My answer will always be more of an independent worker than a team player. I understand the importance of being a team player but more so the importance of being an independent pusher for the team. This has been what I have been believing in ever since I literally flunk my exams back in pre university days. I pushed myself hard to achieve what I wanted in life.
Perhaps this time round I pushed too hard. I could have done it in a better way. Maybe, it is time for me to take a step back to relook at my beliefs and maybe the outcome might be better. I will learn to work with Scruffy so that we can achieve that end goal that we both believe in.
Scruffy...Thanks for making things happen and sorry for cornering you yesterday.
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